Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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