I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize