I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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