btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
