Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize