I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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