i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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