I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wish you could order shots online.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
