she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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