well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
