I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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