She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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