god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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