I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
