well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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