we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
