dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
