were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she smelled like a LAN party
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
