Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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