I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
