I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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