i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
