I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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