just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
