yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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