you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
