You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
