Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
