I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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