An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
