Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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