Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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