a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
