As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
