One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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