By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
