Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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