She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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