Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
