Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
soo... how was my night?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
