While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
