I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
