last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
