You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
