Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
