after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
