You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
