I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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