It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
