and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
