Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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