She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
