he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
