and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
