Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
