There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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