i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
