im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
