Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
