well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
