I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
