just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
