he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
