Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
