Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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