Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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