i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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