Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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