arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
