Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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