Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
